004: Find Strength through Your Inner Gangster

Have you ever felt trapped in your current situation? Or scared to leave your comfort zone? Have you ever had to run from your “comfort zone” with no shoes in 30 degree because your comfort zone had a knife?

Meet Stephanie.

Stephanie has a story that will keep you on the edge of your seat with your volume up a little too loud. In fact, it’s riveting. But what’s even more amazing is how she converted a painful situation into living the life of her dreams.

In today’s episode, Gangster Steph will teach us how to get aligned AF and turn fear into excitement that keeps us going when we want to give up.

[00:00:00] Melissa: Welcome to Mind Love Episode 4. Today’s episode is all about harnessing the inner power inside yourself that you didn’t even know was there.

[00:00:09] Stephanie: And he pulled open the utensil drawer and he said that you’re going to fucking die.

[00:00:16] Female VO: Turn up your frequency with Mind Love, bite-sized brain hex for seekers, dreamers, and doers. It’s time to give your mind a little love with your host Melissa Monte.

[00:00:34] Melissa: Have you ever woke up morning after morning feeling just stuck in your life, stuck in your current situation? We all have, right? But have you ever felt so stuck that you didn’t know if you would survive if you tried to leave? Like you didn’t really know if you would make it out alive.

I have to say I’ve gotten myself into a lot of shit over the years. But I never thought that the person I was living with, that I said I love you too before I went to bed may hurt me in some way.

Yeah, he may have secretly be addicted to meth and robbing houses behind my back, but I didn’t think he’d hurt me.

If you have no idea what I’m talking about go revisit episode 1. I go into a little bit of detail. But if you want a full episode on it tweet at me @MindLoveMelissa.

Today we’re going to be learning about harnessing our inner gangster to achieve things that we may never have believed were possible. And there’s no better person to help lead the conversation than Stephanie Bellinger, spiritual influencer and founder of spiritualbossbabe.com.

If anyone knows about grabbing live or your dreams by the balls it’s her. Her story is seriously riveting. I was on the edge of my seat the entire time with an actual hand over my mouth gasping. I guess I said that kind of creepy. It was my own hand guys, but yes, my hand was over my mouth and I was gasping. But spoiler alert, she survived and she’s doing great.

But by the very definition of being stuck, it’s being fixed in one place, not moving, not improving or progressing. So what are the first steps of getting out of being stuck. Is there a framework for this?

We’re going to explore exactly that in today’s episode, three key points you will learn are how to get unstuck by harnessing your inner gangster, when it’s time to let that inner gangster go, and a writing exercise to help you channel your highest self.

But to get a clear picture about why Stephanie is the best person to cover this topic she’s going to take us back to the beginning.

[00:03:03] Stephanie: I was in an abusive relationship from when I was 14 to 20. It was mentally and physically abusive. It was the lowest point of my life, ever. And I’m actually thankful that it happened at a young age for me to be able to grow so quickly and learn all of these things.

But what helped me during that time was I was rock bottom with my confidence and self-worth. And I just reached this point where I knew I had to do something about it and I didn’t know what to do. So I decided to just start my health and fitness journey. And that was actually my first taste of personal development.

[00:03:47] Melissa: Over and over again we hear that it’s just that one step that you need to take. If you don’t know which step to take pick any of them. For Stephanie it was her personal fitness journey. You don’t know where to go so why not work on your body, work on your mind. It doesn’t really matter. Because when you start to work on something it’s like a gateway drug.

You start  with one and that leads to curiosity in another area, and another area. And suddenly you’re like, “Wow, I’ve made a lot of personal strides in the last few years.

[00:04:25] Stephanie: That really, really help me gain the confidence that I needed. It also helped me realize that I could do anything I put my mind to, because I had no idea that I’d be able to lose 60 pounds. I hated working out. I ate the worst stuff ever.

But also during that time I started meditating as well. And that’s something I hid from people for a while. I started meditating.

I think that that, along with the fitness really gave me the strength to eventually leave. So both of those things combined really, really helped me get out of that phase of my life.

Now that I’ve come out of my spiritual closet, like online and doing what I’m doing, everything’s taking off because that’s what I’ve meant to do I believe.

[00:05:23] Melissa: When you did finally leave that relationship how did that conversation go? Was it an easy cut-off or did he put up a fight?

[00:05:33] Stephanie: That’s a really good question and I have a pretty interesting story that I’ve told. I actually haven’t told this in a long time. I think it was around 2006 when I left. I was with this person for over five years. I just turned 20 at this time.

We were living together at the time for about a year. The more I got in-tune with my higher self the more every time he would be mean or say things or whatever I would talk back to him in my head, not aloud.

He would say things like, “You’re never going to find anyone else. You’re stupid. You’re a peace of shit.” Just crazy stuff… And in my head I was just like, “You don’t matter.” I would just say stuff.

I planned leaving him for about… I thought about it for a while but I actually planned it out for a couple of months before, maybe two months, because I was scared to leave him.

If anyone has been in an abusive relationship they understand, it’s very scary and they’re very manipulative. You don’t know what they’re going to or how they’re going to act. And you feel stuck.

I had to plan it out. And I told my parents and I told a few people that I was close with that I was going to and I just didn’t know when. Finally I planned the actual day that I was going to do it.

He came home from work that day and ended up finding out that his father passed away, which is horrible. It was really sad. Not that this makes it any better but his dad had his own demons and was into drugs and all that stuff.

He was really upset about it so I decided obviously that I’m not going to just break up with him that day. So I waited another month and then I made another day. And he was still mean to me. None of that stopped.

The next time I decided to set the date to do it I started drifting away from him energetically. The day before I was going to do it he brought it up. He was really nice and said, “Hey, I feel we’ve been drifting apart. I think maybe we should end things and go break up or something.

And then in my head I was like, “Oh my god, it’s going to be this easy?”

Melissa: It’s never that easy.

Stephanie: I was like, “You’re right. I’ve been thinking about this too. I think we should just take a break. I’m kind of thinking about going back to my mom’s for a little while.

I was kind of testing it out. I didn’t really know what to say. But he tricked me. He wanted to see what I would say. And when I said that he flipped shit. I’m talking throwing things around the apartment, screaming, crying. And then he went in the kitchen and he pulled open the utensil drawer and he said that you’re going to fucking die.

But while he was in the kitchen, the way the apartment was set-up, he couldn’t see me from where he was in the kitchen and I was by the stairs. I literally ran out of the apartment barefoot in my pajamas in less than 30 degree weather. I ran around the corner. I knocked on some stranger’s door and I just opened it before they answered it. And thank god it was unlocked. And I just ran in.

And it was like this couple with their kids there and I’m over here looking like this crazy person. I just freaking ran to their house crying and barefoot.

I was just hysterical. I left my cellphone. I left my car keys, everything. I just ran. And he took my car keys and was revving around the whole parking lot screaming like a lunatic.

And finally this couple, we snuck out of the back. They took to a nearby parking lot, out of the shopping center to meet my parents. And that was it, freedom.

I never seen him again. My parents called the cops to make sure that they can go get the rest of my stuff. Even though I packed half of my shit and brought it to my mom’s before that, because I already planned it, I had suitcases packed and hidden in the apartment.

[00:10:47] Melissa: Wow. What was the aftermath? Did you see him again?

[00:10:54] Stephanie: I remember that night so vividly because, I’m not even joking, even though I was crying hysterically and running for my life and all of that, I was so freaking happy. I can’t even explain. When people asked me what’s the happiest day of my life, that day I was so happy.

I felt like I was three, and I feel like that’s when my motivation was really born from that night. It was kind of like I promised god, the universe, whatever, that if I get out of this I would make sure that I spend the rest of my life doing everything single thing I have ever wanted to do and every single thing I ever want to do.

And so I moved to New York after that a little while after. Everything I’ve ever wanted to do I’ve done because I was asleep for five years. And not even joking that is how it felt.

People who have not been in that kind of situation may not be able to understand, but it was really like I was asleep. But I was the one who gave my power away. So I took it back and owned it.

[00:12:02] Melissa: Wow, that’s so strong of you. Because I know everyone has a lot of negative self talk, fear and anxiety. To have that thrown in your face by the person that’s supposed to love you must have been horrible. What are some of the ways that you began to identify those self-limiting beliefs, and then began to change your perspective on your own self-image?

[00:12:30] Stephanie: It’s been a long healing journey since then. I was not magically healed as soon as I left. I still went on a really deep journey after that. But during that phase I just came to the realization that I was enough and that I was in control. That was the message I kept getting from my higher self, from connecting to the spiritual side of things.

I just kept getting the message you are enough. You just have to decide you are in control. You have to take your power back.

And the main thing that helped me was meditating and journaling. I would journal, and I still do this stuff. And I meditated every single morning for 30 minutes before I left. And that really, really gave me the strength.

But after that I have a lot of stuff to work on still, because for a while after that there’s this part of me that came over, I named her gangster Steph, who was like, “I don’t need anyone. I got this shit. No one could fuck with me.”

That part of kind of took over. And I went a little, not crazy, but I was partying a lot. I just turned 21. I was free finally. I went on that phase for a minute. So when I got back to my personal development and some things I did later on, like a few years ago actually, that really helped was EMDR therapy.

[00:14:10] Melissa: I’ve done that before.

[00:14:12] Stephanie: That changed my life. I saw someone for about a year every week. It was like maybe four years ago. But I realized that a lot of the reason why I wasn’t getting to where I wanted to be in my business at the time, my personal training, and other stuff, is because I had all of these limiting beliefs that I’m not enough or I’m not good enough.

Not all of it stemmed from that abusive relationship, but there’s a lot of things that needed to be dug up and processed.

[00:14:50] Melissa: For those of you that don’t know what EMDR is, it stands for Eye Movement Disensitization and Reprocessing. It’s basically a form of psychotherapy treatment that helps to alleviate the stress associated with traumatic events.

My experience with at the end of high school, I had to walk through a traumatic event I went through. And I had headphones on. And there was an alternating beat kind of. And it was sort of like boop boop…

And I don’t know if it just pulls the memory out of you, but there have been a lot of positive studies vouching for its effectiveness.

[00:15:34] Stephanie: EMDR helped me a lot. Then I also saw a hypnotherapist for a while. And I’ve done a lot of EFT tapping on my own. That helped a lot. But it was like a year and a half of that deep work. And I’m going to be honest with you, the biggest transformative healing thing that I’ve ever done was actually secret plant medicines like Ayahuasca.

[00:16:02] Melissa: That is on my list to do. I just need to get to Peru.

[00:16:08] Stephanie: Actually there’s groups all over the world especially in the US too. And that’s where I started. But I’ve done it many times.

And once I started the journey with that I had some more breakthroughs in one night than years. And I was just fascinated with learning about things on a deeper leave, not just about me and my own psyche but just about energy.

I went to Peru last summer as well. That is the most transformative experience I’ve ever been through, all of those experiences, the whole journey of working with the plants.

I feel like every time I do go to one there’s part of me that’s like, “Oh my god, my purpose involves bringing more people to this, or helping more people know about this.” But I’m still kind of playing that out in my mind of how to do that.

[00:17:05] Melissa: Walk me through one of your ayahuasca experiences.

[00:17:10] Stephanie: I’ll start with the first one because I feel like most people when they… Everyone’s experience is different obviously, but I feel like most people on the journey of healing themselves, whether it’s through the secret plant medicines, or whether it’s through EMDR, or whatever.

I feel like the first lesson [Unintelligible 00:17:31] most of the time has to do with your inner child. That’s what I realized in a lot of people. That’s what I’ve seen in a lot of people.

My first experience, I was so scared. I was like, “I’m so scared. I don’t want to throw up.” The truth is not everyone throws up every time they do that by the way. My first experience I took the plant medicine and I started feeling lonely. And I felt like the little girl version of me.

I was talking to one of the my friends that was there and he was consoling me or whatever, because I felt really upset and lonely.

He was talking with me, asking me why I felt lonely. And I seriously felt at that moment I was embodying the little girl version of me.

And I came to the realization that I was neglecting the little girl version of me, and I wasn’t really giving her the attention and love that she needs.

[00:18:40] Melissa: And especially given your story, you did have to grow up pretty fast to deal with all that you did.

[00:18:46] Stephanie: That was my one realization that night, that same night towards the end of the whole little journey. I was talking again to a few people that were there. I felt like I was going to cry again at this point. And for some reason I didn’t want to cry. 

And my one friend was like, “Just cry. Let it out. You got to let it out.” And I was like, “I don’t want to let it out. And he was like, “Steph, just let it out.” And I was like, “I don’t want to cry. I’m not a weak little bitch.”

And then at that point I was like, oh my gosh, gangster Steph is out.  And in that moment I just realized what I was doing. 

So then I realized how I was neglecting the little girl me, because I was like this strong part of me that thinks she’s a badass and doesn’t want to be weak and cry is the one who’s basically neglecting this little girl who needs me, the little girl who went through all that stuff. And I actually got sick when I realized that.

It was this huge realization that I need to really pay attention to the different parts of myself and give myself what I need on all levels. Just because I went through all of that stuff doesn’t mean that I’m weak or I need to just forget about the person I was back then. Because it’s that young girl that actually got me to where I am now.

[00:20:22] Melissa: I’m very open-minded to things like that. And unregrettably so, some of the times that I have experimented have led to the biggest changes and my interpretation of reality and the way that the universe works.

[00:20:38] Stephanie: You should definitely try it out. It’s totally life changing, for real.

[00:20:45] Melissa: You can count on it. And speaking of life changes. I saw on your Instagram that you’ve recently been transitioning to a vegan lifestyle. I’ve been doing mostly vegan for a little over the year, but finally transitioned to all the way vegan earlier this year, and I’ve never looked back. I have never felt better, stronger, and more in control over my body and my energy levels. 

What inspired you to make the change?

[00:21:17] Stephanie: This is still very fresh, and I love that asked this. It’s so interesting because I feel like I almost have this new found passion of raising awareness for other people, and I’m only a month into the journey. I’m still kind of learning, but I’m sharing as I learn. 

But on my birthday I was on Facebook. I was just scrolling in the morning. I saw someone post a video about this baby bull who escaped a slaughter house in Brooklyn and he was the running the streets of Brooklyn, New York.

He ran two miles and ended up in this big park. And the cops barricaded the park so that they could get someone to come get the bull.

You could just see in the video how scared and confused this animal was. And I was just like, “Oh my god, this animal must have done everything he could possibly do to get out of that slaughter house, this poor, little confused bull.”

And so I just started crying and I had no idea why. I didn’t really understand. And then I finally started looking up what goes on in slaughter houses and stuff, and I just felt the collective pain of the animals, I’m not even joking. 

And I could say it like that because I’ve felt collective pain before during when I’ve done the plant ceremony things, I’ve felt collective pain. Like the collective pain of certain things that are going on in the world. It’s just like this indescribable pain in the pit of my stomach of feeling the fear and terror in the animals.

I know people say “Humans have been eating animals forever. It’s part of the cycle of life.” But the thing is times freaking change. We’re not cavemen anymore. And also with all the stuff that they put in our meat anyway it’s just gross.

And the way that they do things is horrible. And I don’t think there’s any humane way of killing an animal. We don’t need meat or animal products in order to live. I do feel drawn to learn about it because I don’t know why really what this means yet, but I feel this strong, burning desire in me to raise awareness or to do something about it. And I don’t even know what that means yet because it’s so new to me.

It kind of feels crazy to me but something in me is pulling me to speak out about it. And I’m trying to figure out how to do that without getting everyone pissed off. I know it’s going to upset some people, but whatever. I just want to raise awareness as I learn. 

[00:24:15] Melissa: I don’t care if things piss people off, especially when it comes to something that I feel so strongly in, which the more I have learned about veganism the more I just do. I have not looked back.

And speaking of food, this episode of Mind Love is sponsored by Thrive Market. I make it a point to buy clean and organic food and products whenever I have the option. And thrive market makes this super easy. Their prices they beat Amazon on tons of items, including my favorite, non-toxic hair products and cleaning supplies.

Get excited because we have an exclusive deal for Mind Love listeners for 20% off their first three orders, not one, three.

Head to mindlove.com/thrive to access this deal. And now, back to the show.

One interesting observation that I’ve made is a lot of my really health-focused friends are also fitness trainers. And because of that they have this connection to their protein intake and are much more aware of different food groups than the average eater I guess I’ll call it. 

How did you grapple with that? Or was it a non-issue for you?

[00:25:29] Stephanie: There’s vegan body builders. If they can do it why can’t I? That wasn’t really a huge thing for me. I was kind of thinking, crap, what am I going to eat?

But I didn’t realize how much replacement things there are that are vegan but healthier alternative.

[00:25:54] Melissa: I Think once we all come to terms with the fact that what we all believe is a balanced diet is not backed by science and it’s not based on our health, but just completely manipulated by advertising and bigger industries.

Then it becomes easier to let go of the hundred grams of protein that we thought we needed on a daily basis and realize that for my body weight it’s closer to 17.

[00:26:22] Stephanie: I definitely get enough protein with that in my vegan protein shakes and other stuff that I’m eating. It’s just I’m still learning about different things to add to my diet. And it’s kind of fun. I’m just having fun through the process.

[00:26:38] Melissa: And as you should be with everything, just enjoy the journey. 

I love how adaptable you are though. When you learn new information you implement it into your life immediately. Some of these decisions are probably nerve wracking when any of us are stepping out of our comfort zones. We tend to be nervous or anxious about it. What are some of your tips for turning that nervous energy or anxiety into excitement for what you’re doing?

[00:27:11] Stephanie: I say this answer that people probably won’t like to hear, but U just force myself to do it. If it’s something I’m really passionate about I know that I have that deep burning desire for a reason. And that’s what I tell other people too. 

If you’re doing something you’re passionate about you have that desire for a reason. And the only way to get over your fear is to take action. So even though it sounds like a Catch-22 it’s in your benefit to just take the first step and that fear will diminish. Or you can turn that nervous energy into excitement by building confidence by taking action.

I just literally force myself to do things that make me uncomfortable because you got to just fake it till you make it, and embody that version of yourself. That’s another thing, I at least tell people when it comes to channeling nervous energy into excitement you have to embody the version of yourself that’s already on the other side of it.

And it takes practice but it’s really not hard. You just have to do it. 

Tony Robbins says how he becomes this different version of himself when he’s on stage or at his seminars. Because he has to bring that energy in order to do the thing he’s doing.

[00:28:30] Melissa: Okay. You channeled gangster Steph when you have to get shit done. But what about trolls or haters online? Part of making yourself a public personality means that more of these people have access to you. And I imagine that that could trigger your inner hater. How do you fight that off?

[00:28:51] Stephanie: Just don’t waste energy on it. That’s really it. But I used to get a little upset about things like… It’s so funny. When people would unsubscribe from email list, I don’t know why I take it so personal. Now I’m like, they’re not my ideal client obviously. It’s all good.

But the hater within me, that’s just ego, the ego part of you. We all have ego. That’s what makes us human. I’m not talking about ego like some cocky, arrogant person. I’m talking about the human part of you. So your ego holds on to all these bullshit stories and all your fears. And it likes to keep you small. It’s fear-based. It’s your false self.

Whenever the stories come up, since I’ve been doing so much work… I’m not saying I never have doubts and stuff, but I can catch it faster. And realize that the voice that’s talking right now is the liar. And I don’t really need to entertain that. Kind of like how I deal with the real haters, I don’t need to entertain that. I don’t need to give energy to that.

If it’s something that’s really getting to me and I don’t feel like I can get on the other side of that at the moment, then either EFT tapping, or journaling, or meditating to help get me back to my truth. 

[00:30:14] Melissa: Do you have a method to your journaling? Do you pick topics, or do you just free write?

[00:30:19] Stephanie: I like to free write a lot. I started automatic writing, and what that is is you just don’t think when you’re writing. You just write. And you can channel messages from your higher self or from your angels by doing that. 

And it takes practice, but the more you do it, it’s like you’re writing the words before your mind has time to think about it. 

Sometimes I’ll actually write a letter or to the universe. I’ll write a letter saying this is what I’m going through right now. This is how I’m feeling. This is what I want help with. And this is where I’m at right now.

And then after I write the letter as myself then I’ll start automatic writing and just see whatever flows through. And it’s really awesome and gives a lot of insight and clarity and motivation on things for me personally.

[00:31:10] Melissa: I’ve been putting off automatic writing for a while, so I’m finally going to take the leap. Thanks for that. And where else can listeners find you if they want to learn more about you?

[00:31:19] Stephanie: I have a lot of resources on my site when it comes to personal, spiritual, and business growth. 

They should check out my Spiritual Boss Babe’s group on Facebook to stay in the loop, because it’s such an awesome group. There’s almost 15,000 soul sisters in that group, other amazing women with a purpose, all empowering each other and supporting each other. It’s really awesome. 

[00:31:45] Melissa: To access all the links mentioned in this episode head to the show notes at mindlove.com/004. I’ll also have some great resources on automatic writing if that’s something that you’re into. And to stay in the conversation and catch up other people that are also trying automatic writing and harnessing their inner gangster, head to our Facebook group at mindlove.com/fbgroup.

If you liked the show today please hit subscribe in your favorite podcast app. And if you have an extra second please leave a review. Reviews really help to grow the podcast and entice more awesome guests like Stephanie to be on the show. 

Thanks for giving your mind a little love today. And I’ll see you next week.

[00:32:37] Female VO: Thanks for tuning into your higher frequency with Mind Love. Head to mindlove.com for a free gift to keep your vibes up until next week.