How many relationships have you damaged because you had to be right?
Most of us learned how to communicate from our families, our schools, our cultures. We picked up these conversational habits without ever questioning them. We argue to be right instead of learning something new. We make promises we can’t keep because we’re too uncomfortable saying no. We tell ourselves stories that limit who we can become, and we don’t even realize we’re doing it.
I used to think good communication was about being articulate or winning the argument. I thought if I could just find the right words, I could make people see my point of view. But what I discovered through my own journey is that most of our conversations happen on complete autopilot. We’re not really listening. We’re just waiting for our turn to speak. We’re defending positions we never consciously chose.
Then I started meeting people who communicated differently. People who could disagree with me without making me feel attacked. People who asked questions that made me think instead of questions designed to trap me. After conversations with them, I’d walk away feeling expanded rather than drained. There was something they understood about communication that I was missing.
“So conscious conversation means to understand conversations in a new way so that we can’t be innocent any longer. We learn about them so that we hear and see them differently and think about them differently. And that gives us new options to say, I don’t have to respond this way. I can respond this way. Or I don’t have to have that automatic reaction. I can change that.” – Chuck Wisner
Recent research shows that the average person spends over 70% of their waking hours in some form of communication. Yet most of us have never been taught how conversations actually work. We stumble through negotiations, struggle with difficult family members, and wonder why our relationships feel stuck in the same patterns.
What if there was a map for navigating these conversations? What if you could recognize when someone is trying to ram their position down your throat versus when they’re genuinely open to learning? What if you could spot your own unconscious stories before they sabotage your next relationship or career opportunity?
The truth is, every conversation is either moving you toward the life you want or keeping you trapped in the life you’ve outgrown. Most people never learn the difference. They stay asleep in their conversations, playing out the same scripts their families taught them, wondering why nothing ever really changes.
But consciousness in conversation changes everything. It transforms conflict into collaboration. It turns storytelling from a way to stay stuck into a tool for liberation. It makes promises that actually build trust instead of destroying it.
The question is: are you ready to wake up to what’s really happening in your conversations? Because once you see these patterns, you can never unsee them. And that’s exactly what makes transformation possible.
Today our guest is Chuck Wisner, a leadership coach and author of “The Four Conversations” who has spent decades studying how conscious communication can transform relationships and unlock human potential. He combines practical tools with deep awareness work to help people break free from unconscious conversational patterns.
In this conversation, you’ll discover:
- How to recognize when you’re “sleep talking” through life
- The four types of conversations that reveal communication patterns
- Why most promises fail and how commitment builds trust
Links from the episode:
- Show Notes: mindlove.com/418
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